What: Leftover pizza straight from the refrigerator first thing in the morning.
Why: As meals go, breakfast is like the French language: it is not inclined to allow foreign influences into its official domain. If a foodstuff is not composed of eggs, pork, fruit, or processed grains, it is not getting in. As such, cold pizza is not a breakfast food your mother will teach you; it is a breakfast food you must learn on your own. But figure it out you will. All it takes is one lazy evening and one forgotten trip to the grocery store, and you will be hooked. Cold pizza’s preparation time cannot be beat, and it comes in conveniently separated servings so you can share with that strange person you woke up with. For god’s sake, do not heat it up, as that is the act of someone who is prepared for the morning. Instead, surrender to your bleariness, and pick up a slice.
Impact: Okay, World, I simply do not get you. I have dutifully patronized many hundreds of your breakfast buffets in hotels and casinos. I have stood in line at your omelet bars, sampled your dozens of cereals, and overdosed on your pancakes. I have never once seen you put cold pizza on a countertop. This is insane. If you offer a choice between watery oatmeal and cold pizza, you will never run out of oatmeal. Heads up, any restaurateurs reading this: Put cold pizza on your menu, and people will never eat breakfast anywhere else.
Personal Connection: Now for the debate. The holy trinity of pizza is New York-style that passes the fold test (the father, supreme and undeniable to many); Chicago-style stuffed pizza (the son, revelatory and transcendent, but not universally venerated); and California-style flat-crust (the holy ghost, ephemeral and mystical, but hard to comprehend). To me there is no debate about which is king of the dinner table: the sheer sensory onslaught of Chicago-style rules all. But for breakfast, I’ll commit Midwestern sacrilege and give the nod to New York-style. The solidity of Chicago-style makes the pizza more of a commitment, whereas New York-style seems more of an easy adjustment to morning. Still, it’s a meaningless debate, as any pizza is a welcome sight when the refrigerator bulb flickers on in the early hours.
Other Contenders: an omelette du fromage, most especially a Greek omelet with feta cheese and kalamata olives; half of a juicy pink grapefruit; a lightly toasted and buttered crumpet; a stack of french toast dripping with maple syrup; extremely crispy bacon, so brittle that you can shatter it with a hammer.
